Ups, Downs and Everything In Between ✨🤍

 

 

Precious! 💗 

It's been forever since we connected, I hope you're doing fine as we now slowly creep towards the end of the year. Well, yeah, I know it flew, but I guess this year seemed like quite the roller coaster.

Everyone says we should name this year, "Things I never thought would happen". But then again, we say the same every year. So, anyway, let's jump into this, I guess my roller coaster should be interesting enough to give you another worthy read.

There are a few nights where we all just lie in bed and we're tired, we wanna sleep, but we can't. So, what do we end up doing? (Staring at the ceiling?) Yes combine it with overthinking and ADHD spirals!

Anyway, I was having a spiral of my own and my thoughts were fleeting from career to relationships to friends, to my past and my future- you know the drill, we've all been there.

Sometimes these memories and thoughts are enough to keep you up and it sorta resurfaces the pain or the feelings you've endured, not the best, but hey hear me out, You survived everything that you thought you wouldn't be able through and here you are and believe me, I'm proud of you. ❤️

I understand that there are situations which seem like a repeated pattern which might feel like a "set back" which you might have thought you've already healed from and moved on further, but unexpectedly when a similar situation pops up again; you'd think you know the pattern, you can foresee it. You're cautious, you're being skeptical which is all fair given the memories of the past.

But...there are times where you slip and probably fall deeper than what you thought was your "rock bottom". See this situation could be different from person to person, be it a friend or a relationship, your family or even your work life balance.

You'd feel frustrated like you can't believe you fell down the rabbit hole again, but here's the good part, you're now self-aware, you can see how it affects you and makes it easier to bounce back up faster. 

This whole idea got me thinking as to that healing might not be linear, it doesn't have to have a guide or a roadmap as such, it's more of a figure out what works for you to find whatever it takes to reach you again. And that is what I feel is super important. Whether it's to walk away and put some distance between you and the world or whether it's to seek comfort from your friends and family, or even to just sit and do nothing. 

Healing, I've noticed, takes it's own course of time, you really can't force it. I tried doing so, I tried forcing myself out of situations, experimented around by pushing people away and shutting myself out from what I feel, but it backfired, that's exactly what I wanted to share across today. The fact that all this will pan out in it's own due course of time.
Sure, you can do things to distract yourself, try reconnecting with the things that once gave you happiness of staying in your company. But until truly let your emotions just flow through your body, it wouldn't make the process easier. 

To be frank, I feel like these so called "set-back" type situations are tossed to us more of a learning curve, to probably find and sculpt a better version of ourselves. Old wounds can definitely reopen but that doesn't mean you're on the wrong path. Maybe these situations come to you to perhaps discover something better within you that you are now ready for. For example, in my case, I actually ended up discovering that I am more spiritual than I let myself to believe.  Everyone will have various results at the end of their journeys and I feel if you look at it that way, you'll always believe the fact that there's a silver lining in every cloud.

Your progress doesn't have to be perfect or make sense to anyone else. 

It's your journey, kiddo. ❤️

Do what makes sense to you and what makes you happy, even if the world says otherwise. (Do not do illegal stuff, that ain't what I'm tryna say 💀)

Nobody hands us guides or manuals as to how we gotta about our stuff that we deal with. Even when we vent to our friends, we're just grateful that they're there cuz let's face it, they have their baggage to deal with as well. We all literally wing it and sail through, however bumpy the waves might be.

To me, healing is, ugly crying in the shower, to a point where you wonder as to what exactly are you crying about, all the way to deleting the text before hitting "send" because I know that reaching out would only cause me more pain. It's definitely not easy, you just wanna soothe things out, deep down you even know the answers you seek, but it's that attachment that holds you back.

Speaking of holding back, there are always two paths this can go down: Walking Away vs Staying.

Some people cut all ties, walk away (which is absolutely fine) but some people, they build their resilience to a point where the situation doesn't have the power over them anymore. Both paths would eventually lead you to the same destination; just a different pace. Both these situations take a ton of courage and here's the best part, you've done it before, you can do it again. ❤️

They both hold a significant impact in your life. There are times where you know that walking away is the best thing to do, to leave, heal and come back in full force, but if you keep walking away, how exactly will you learn to endure the situation as it is?
And if you stay, how will you learn to value or love yourself enough to know that you gotta remove yourself from that place?

Both these questions follow through a loop and hence I feel that it's a mix of both. To be able to put enough distance to sorta regroup with yourself, to find or CREATE a comfort zone rather for yourself to be able to go into just so you can feel better. There have been days where I wanted to choose my silence and my peace over the chaos, there have been days where I stayed in discomfort or stayed in my feels just probably to prove that it wouldn't break me, that hey, I can get through it, and guess what, I actually did. 

There will always be days where you feel you're making progress, and a few days where you'll question if you're healing at all? But all I learnt is that maybe it's just the balance of staying enough and letting go just right. 

Sure, it's never perfect as your journey is never gonna be the same of the other person, but it's definitely worth it. It gives you stories to share around and joke about and be proud of later on. The messy days are a result of why the good days are all worth it.

So, if you find yourself in situations that take a little more energy than required, remember it's all gonna result in that one thing you seek: PEACE. 

Whether you take 3 steps forward and 2 steps back, it's still considered progress, so go easy on yourself because like I said, we're all winging it, and I know you're doing the absolute best you can. 

Whether you set a small routine or completed a movie after ages, whatever makes you feel better, keep doing that and one day, you'll realise that you don't have to pretend to stay distracted anymore, you've reached where you always wanted to be, in the solace of your comfort. 

You're way stronger than what you give yourself credit for, precious and I'll always be here to cheer you on. You got this, kiddo ❤️

 

Quote of the day: Feel what you feel until what you feel is healed.

 Xoxo Your Boundless Gal <3